Thank you for Leaving

“Be my wife”, you said and that’s how we sparked our relationship of bare disarray and bafflement. But, who knew your enamored arms would turn into absolute pungent and gnawing ones. As I died every second under your smothering judiciousness, I came out powerful, reinforced and impregnable, invulnerable to any more of your obscenity and your capability of feigning me. But, with all the excoriation you caused, both on my mind and body, I became puissant and regnant as ever before. My tears had dried when I decided to leave because I couldn’t take anymore of your whipping as you had scraped enough of me. I didn’t cry for you because I had cried enough, enough to let go of you forever. Who justifies physical abuse? Who abuses your parents and then cries to your friends in helplessness? It’s almost as if you were mentally ill and having blamed me for everything that went wrong.

They say “Respect is earned and not demanded”, but what about the respect I gave you when you left me bruised on the road, lost, powerless and incapacitated? Where did your ideologies go when I begged your feet in front of strangers, weeping dolorously, trying my best for you to stay back in my life? And yet you have no reason for any of your actions. No apologies, no justification, no benevolence. What did you receive after damaging me so much, freedom or sweet revenge? What part couldn’t you understand that I needed time and that I needed to make sure you’re the one? Yet, I failed and so did you. When I wrote you that letter, it was from my heart, not from my head. I didn’t get carried away by my emotions, but I was carrying them along till the time I wrote “Yours”. You kept abusing me even when I poured out every memory of you from my heart while writing that letter. So, who are you or who were you really?

With the bleeding of my heart as you cut me open, you still wanted me to love you, cry for you and still listen to your ridiculous ranting about your pathetic little emotions. And then you said, “At least I am more human than you, Sonia”. It’s absolutely hilarious how I was in the bubble of misconception that I was in love with a boy, sadly, I wasn’t. I was in love with a little white girl who just had a dick about the size of an electric switch that turned on almost every time I asked for more time. Yet, I still fail to understand what went wrong and how we got here but I’m done apologizing and feeling sorry for myself.

When you asked me how jealous I am of you and your parents, I refused to answer because I was so insecure. But, here’s your answer now. I WAS envious because you have both your parents who give you everything of a pitiful little silver platter. Your parents have given up on their son because he hasn’t done anything in his life and probably never will either. So, I was a klutz when I was envious of both of your parents who pampered you so much that you loved being jobless, uneducated and just home. Time has passed so quickly and moments have been more revealing that I’ve never noticed but thank you for getting out of my life and leaving me liberated, unchained and disencumbered.

Thank you for letting go so I could progress and ratchet up, not only with my line of work but also with my acquaintanceship with someone who respects my work. Don’t worry you’re not being replaced but only being thrown away from the very realms of my soul where you were once too attached. Remember when you said that I will find someone who is much better and for the very fact that you don’t deserve me, I was a dunce to figure out that you were actually spitting out the truth. You never really did deserve me because you never really accepted me for what I was. I changed for you and all you ever did was crib about your pathetic little lowly life.

Thank you for letting go so I could raise my head higher and construe that only I am responsible for my happiness. Thank you for leaving me stronger, alone and more relieved and a lot happier than I could ever be without you. Thank you for letting me know that there are lowlifes like yourself that still exist even today. Thank you for leaving so I could find someone who deserves so much more of my respect than you could ever imagine. Thank you for not loving me enough so someone else could come and do a fantastic job at mending me. Thank you for letting me go so I could be on my way into falling in love with someone who seems perfect and is not a two-faced moody bitch like yourself. Thank you for leaving so I could finally be who I am and have someone appreciate me for the very first time in my life.