Dear Engineer,

I know you care, but, NO, I don’t need a fucking protector. I didn’t need you to worry about me. I needed a friend, to be held, and for you to be real, just plain real and simple with me. But you threatened me with empty promises and burned it all with three words of denial. Now, go back to the whore and find another hole to fuck while I cry about the guy I metaphorically killed. 

It’s funny how feelings work, right? When you are emotionally vulnerable and you just want to co-exist with the person you surprisingly connect with, the same person uses you as a commodity to get over their lover of many years. What’s funnier is the fact that they always tend to play the victim card and rationality loses its path. But in the process of demoralising our sexualities and communicating inappropriately, you tend to drift back to the spiral of toxicity, killing the love that she had for you which made her the whore she is today. 

But you, you stupid little fuck, you said the most beautiful words that I’ve ever heard and felt and I’ve never felt so secure after he passed. You made me feel so loved and happy, that at a point I did think we had a chance because it’s always been way too hard for me to throw open my barriers and let people in. There are people who take advantage of my emotional vulnerability, use me like a doormat and leave and I felt I was just your rebound when you told me we will never have a future. 

But fuck you, you want to get hurt, you want this pain and you fucking want to be shattered and never be healed, so you deserve the whore that she’s become because of you. You deserve the pain she splatters on you in the form of blood stripped bones and a sum of emotional dacoits to break you further in the manwhore you’ve become, just so you can identify any hole as your glory hole and fuck it till you’re empty inside. Oh wait, you’re already empty, isn’t that why I was there? In the middle of your fucking love affair where both of you were being the whores that you are today, while I was sidelined unknowingly because you wanted bruises so deep that she’s lick them all off and you’d be hers again. But wait, what the fuck was I doing there? Just thinking about the feelings that I expressed were fucking reciprocated perfectly by you, making me feel loved and special, again, unknowingly and unable to understand that I was just your fuckwhore, someone you’d dust your hands off and leave with your mouth drooling for your lover. 

And you ask why I felt disposable? 

Your lost “friend”

Sonia David

Dear Cadaverous Lover,

It has rather been an extensively enduring and uncomfortable ride from possessing the fortitude to choose my career over this brainchild of matrimonial amalgamation since my under graduate studies to, actually becoming a PhD research scholar. Even though, I was one among handful who made it through to the PhD programme out of 100s, but you didn’t seem quite happy to hear it. Nevertheless, when we decided to meet on that weekend since I guess I thought it was high time we discussed our distinctively contrasting careers, but habitually, our decisions led to one fight over another. But that Monday. That Monday I was determined to fund my own education because it meant the world to me. So, that Monday morning, I proudly paid my fees at the University, relinquishing the unnoticed 44 missed calls on my phone from your impetuously impulsive roommate. Before I could take another breadth, I found myself standing in front of your blood-soaked body. You lied there, unmoved as I repeatedly whispered “wake up please”, trying to breathe. Aghast and aphonic,, I lost my voice. As I stood there, unbelievably stunned, I couldn’t articulate with my dry mouth and frozen hands. You just lied there, lifeless on a metal bed, motionless.Running back to the toilet in an unnecessary urgency, I sat there, anesthetized. Weeping eventually for a few hours before I walked out, shivering. I called my mother and elucidated everything. But here's the funny part, by the time she arrived, my tears had temporarily dried and I was forced to wear my counselor's hat to console my mother and your roommate.

Your mother had always been an absolute brute to me because I was unconventional and more educated than you. But that day, when I had to make that call to inform her about you, she didn’t metamorphose emphatically. She in fact, barbarously accused me of being the reason behind your death. “He wouldn’t have been there if it wasn’t for you”, she said, as I irrepressibly choked. I had progressively and regularly forgotten to cry or mourn because my responsibilities as a 'daughter' would frantically restrict me every time I took a breadth. I remember when you had lured me to overcome my addiction of drugs and alcohol, but I went ahead and killed myself anyway, contemplating it would help me cry at least, and it did. As I spent over Rs. 40,000 on hard drugs and alcohol, I wasn't remorseful for even a second because guiltless and irresponsibly despite my broken arm, I wanted to bleed to death like you did. Orphaned and abandoned more than I should have, but I was determined to join you in heaven or hell because that's how much I fucking loved you. 8 months have passed and I’m still unwelcome at social drinking gatherings because, “How much more will you cry for him, Sonia?” is the only question that echoes. How could I tell, not just my closest friends, but also my family that I haven’t mourned, because I haven’t been able to? It still hurts me to walk by his house or check on his parents once in a while. My heart weeps when I’m being blamed for what happened to one of the most important persons in my life. I couldn’t. I couldn’t tell them. Because I’m a “psychologist” and a PhD scholar. I mean, what could possibly go wrong with these two?

But just as you acted unemotional and cold throughout my existence in your life, I became that person today. I became unemotional, manipulative, selfish, cold and contriving because my scars haven't healed and my heart is still shattered into more pieces than you left it. It probably always will be.

Seen you soon on the other side.

With Love, 

The Girlfriend Who Mothered You.

Dear Brian,

It’s 2019 already. This is the first Christmas and New Year without you and it’s been exceptionally hard. I remember last Christmas in church, we professed our long term plans for and with each other. “Let’s grow old together”, you said, do you remember? There are times when I still cannot come to terms with reality but there are also times when I am absolutely engrossed with my career that I sometimes forget you were dilapidated.

I can’t tell you how much you are terribly missed and you will always be the biggest part of my life. I don’t know how much of a toll it’s taken on me but I promise you that you will always be remembered because you are invariably cherished. This New Years, the void and absence in my heart which you left is slowly starting to be filled with more love, kindness, forgiveness and humility. Through the grief and despondency, your absence has taught me to be more benevolent and thoughtful in so many ways of my life. Although there were moments in our relationships that defined abuse and captivating amorousness, you have changed my life in ways that has made me stronger, happier and braver to confront the worst situations as they come.

Even though you aren’t here right now, I know you’re in a better place right now and I want you to know that you will be deeply embraced and enshrined in my life forever. I love you.

Lots of Love,

Sonia David

PhD Scholar

The Fresh Blood

It was ruptured. Not my genitalia, but my quintessence. I wanted to tell her how much I missed her and how much I loved her but I missed most, having her around, connecting with the essence of my subsistence. She was cold. Colder than the carcass of him, the boy who died earlier than he should have. He was pronounced dead even when his soul still lived amongst us, feeding on our corpuscles through torturous yet strenuous shackles that I couldn’t be liberated from. Smothered and congested with the doctrines of provocative fornication towards anybody who was lustful. It ruptured me, my oesophagus, my vagina, my vehemence, my consciousness, my dexterity. 

She was an embodiment of the dybbuk that extinguished my every contemplating moment. But, the blood that she fed on, it was not that from the veins, but from the heart. She broke my arteries, independently and unrestrictedly, until I screamed in excruciating despondency. It was done. The fresh blood was utilised to feed her, as she estranged and disrupted my pudenda. The bright red, dense liquid oozed out of my uterus as she imbibed and ingurgitated my lineage. The blurred lines of desecration and gluttony caused my existence to be catechised. The fresh blood, kept her alive. 

The bubbly crimson secretion from my genitals gave life to the beastly existence of my egos. The personalities I no longer was afraid of. The manic whore and the corwardly celibate. They were both fragments of the dynamism of my psyche. Just as I began unquestionably surrendering to her, she asphyxiated me as she bolstered on the fresh blood. 

Dear Brian,

I want to marry you, not your parents, not your mother, not your sister and certainly not your father. I have nothing but immense respect for your family and you. You might get a little frustrating and extremely difficult at times, but i’m not here to give up. I’m here to hold on, hug you, even strangle you to death if needed. There is nothing more important to me than my family and my career. As much as I want you to attain success and stability, I want the same for myself. I don’t want to marry you only for the house maid you are, are, but, I want to marry you for the memories, the company, the assurance, the hand holdings and the romance and the laughs and the fights and the cries and the pranks and the mischief and the bond. 

I want to be with you because I have never connected with anyone else as much as we did, irrespective of the discord we have. I want to love you and spend moments that are irreplaceable. I want to look forward to things, not dwell in the past and brood over our present. I want to feel good about myself, about each other, about you. I want to hold your hand, be by your side, not cook for your mother and be a prisoner of your family. I want to work, work harder than ever. I want to take care of my mother because regardless of how important you are or you’ll ever be, my mother has and always will be my alpha and my rock. I love you, but if you can’t stand up for me when all evidence proves me right, I can’t be with you. 

So, I’m going to give you a choice. Maybe a hard choice, but not an impossible one for you. So, think calmly, visualise, foresee, rationalise and then we’ll talk. Until then, I love you Brian, but there are some grounds I can’t let go of. 

Goodbye.
Looking forward to hearing from you.
Lots of abundant love,
Sonia David

Agglomeration

Very often we dream of people we love and expect them to stay in our lives until we wrinkle or settle in our graves, but how often does that really happen? Have we wondered how many people think of us the same way as they eventually give up on their lives and pass away? Even if we might not have thought about them, they still exist, knowingly or unknowingly. Just as I was wondering about how my aunt meant so much to me, I, like most others, didn't get a chance to say goodbye to her. The last goodbye that molded how she treated me, teaching me to treat others in the same manner, that goodbye that giggled when we were up to mischief behind my mother's back, that goodbye that enabled me to finally stand up for myself even when my dearest ones didn't support me at times. She will not only be missed, but I am most certain that she will continue to remain in the realms of my heart until my neck is wrinkled.

Along with the numerous people who in a way love and support others, there are also those who cannot stand to see one's success or joy. You, Oliver are one of those who are meant to be cherished with most value, not only in one's heart but in one's life. I don't see how anyone could take you for granted or neglect you because you are someone who deserves to get all the attention in the world even if you're doing nothing at all. Oliver, you have given me a kind of insight that I have never come across in my life, demanding me to be myself and execute every activity that I most dearly love. This connection may have been shaken at one point in time because of unnecessary lust, but this very connection can never be broken even if we wanted it to. Our rawness and realism is what makes it authentic, original and 'us'. We might take months to get closer but each step of closeness, both emotional and intimacy has only made us more humane over the months.

I love you Oliver for who you are, not for who you've been or your ridiculously creepy curly hair or your height or your skinny bum. I love you Oliver for your patience, your nonsensical laugh, your ridiculous PJ's, your successes in your workplace and your cute boss, your maturity, your music, your fruity ice cream choices, your hand, your fragrance, your touch, your humongous nose, your little eyes, your ability to stay calm throughout, your everything, except your name though. But I love you, irrespective. You have made me feel so happy in over the months that I haven't felt before, making me realize more and more everyday that I don't deserve you and that you deserve someone who is much better than me solely because I am nobody. I am humbled and blessed to have someone like you in my life, to even love me so much that I don't deserve, to see me eat Gulab jamuns even when you love them but will never ask only so that I could eat them. I love you for your little buttocks that I feel like spanking all the time because its sexy. I love you because you never touched me if I didn't want you to. You deserve so much more and I feel more than guilty to not be able to love you enough. But I promise, I'll do my forever best to love you harder, more gentle, more beautiful and more than I have ever loved anyone. 

Disfigured

The groom’s brother had arrived home, to pick the bride up and the environment was so exciting. The bride was thrilled to know that she is finally marrying the man her parents wanted her to. The only thing that she was unaware of was the fact that he was not what he seemed to be, or what people talked about. Where one door opened for the bride with welcoming beguiler arms, the other closed in demise as she walked out of her parent’s house. The event of marriage as she exchanged rings with her husband and his family was so suspicious that she never would have known how the following months would pass. Love at first sight proved to be as devastatingly wrong for her as she gave in to him, with both mind and body. Only her soul seemed free, yet captured in her body where she was ruthlessly abused by her husband day and night.




With days passing by at the speed of a wounded snail, she found herself abducted in the midst of her mother-in-law and her husband. “He was a pastor and a lawyer they said, until he bruised my body on the night of our wedding.”
Her wounds were so profound that she wasn’t a bride anymore but a mere helpless victim of paranoia and sexual sadism. Her husband pleaded in court and to her parents that he didn’t kill her, but, who would believe him? Who would swallow the details of the bride’s lesions of the slash and his teeth bites implanted on her skin? The vulgar sting of his forced beastly structure on her not only compelled the bride to become a bare cadaver but also had him strangling in his own compulsive thoughts about how to destroy her further.




But, who would believe him anyway when he seemed alright and his parents supported in the suicide of his bride?

Thank you for Leaving

“Be my wife”, you said and that’s how we sparked our relationship of bare disarray and bafflement. But, who knew your enamored arms would turn into absolute pungent and gnawing ones. As I died every second under your smothering judiciousness, I came out powerful, reinforced and impregnable, invulnerable to any more of your obscenity and your capability of feigning me. But, with all the excoriation you caused, both on my mind and body, I became puissant and regnant as ever before. My tears had dried when I decided to leave because I couldn’t take anymore of your whipping as you had scraped enough of me. I didn’t cry for you because I had cried enough, enough to let go of you forever. Who justifies physical abuse? Who abuses your parents and then cries to your friends in helplessness? It’s almost as if you were mentally ill and having blamed me for everything that went wrong.

They say “Respect is earned and not demanded”, but what about the respect I gave you when you left me bruised on the road, lost, powerless and incapacitated? Where did your ideologies go when I begged your feet in front of strangers, weeping dolorously, trying my best for you to stay back in my life? And yet you have no reason for any of your actions. No apologies, no justification, no benevolence. What did you receive after damaging me so much, freedom or sweet revenge? What part couldn’t you understand that I needed time and that I needed to make sure you’re the one? Yet, I failed and so did you. When I wrote you that letter, it was from my heart, not from my head. I didn’t get carried away by my emotions, but I was carrying them along till the time I wrote “Yours”. You kept abusing me even when I poured out every memory of you from my heart while writing that letter. So, who are you or who were you really?

With the bleeding of my heart as you cut me open, you still wanted me to love you, cry for you and still listen to your ridiculous ranting about your pathetic little emotions. And then you said, “At least I am more human than you, Sonia”. It’s absolutely hilarious how I was in the bubble of misconception that I was in love with a boy, sadly, I wasn’t. I was in love with a little white girl who just had a dick about the size of an electric switch that turned on almost every time I asked for more time. Yet, I still fail to understand what went wrong and how we got here but I’m done apologizing and feeling sorry for myself.

When you asked me how jealous I am of you and your parents, I refused to answer because I was so insecure. But, here’s your answer now. I WAS envious because you have both your parents who give you everything of a pitiful little silver platter. Your parents have given up on their son because he hasn’t done anything in his life and probably never will either. So, I was a klutz when I was envious of both of your parents who pampered you so much that you loved being jobless, uneducated and just home. Time has passed so quickly and moments have been more revealing that I’ve never noticed but thank you for getting out of my life and leaving me liberated, unchained and disencumbered.

Thank you for letting go so I could progress and ratchet up, not only with my line of work but also with my acquaintanceship with someone who respects my work. Don’t worry you’re not being replaced but only being thrown away from the very realms of my soul where you were once too attached. Remember when you said that I will find someone who is much better and for the very fact that you don’t deserve me, I was a dunce to figure out that you were actually spitting out the truth. You never really did deserve me because you never really accepted me for what I was. I changed for you and all you ever did was crib about your pathetic little lowly life.

Thank you for letting go so I could raise my head higher and construe that only I am responsible for my happiness. Thank you for leaving me stronger, alone and more relieved and a lot happier than I could ever be without you. Thank you for letting me know that there are lowlifes like yourself that still exist even today. Thank you for leaving so I could find someone who deserves so much more of my respect than you could ever imagine. Thank you for not loving me enough so someone else could come and do a fantastic job at mending me. Thank you for letting me go so I could be on my way into falling in love with someone who seems perfect and is not a two-faced moody bitch like yourself. Thank you for leaving so I could finally be who I am and have someone appreciate me for the very first time in my life.

Yours. Forever.

All these four months have been so beautiful with you, but the time has finally come when we part our respective ways. It is not my ego or my twin self, but my guilt that's holding me back from putting in efforts to make this relationship work anymore. I have not been dedicated to you as you have been to me. I have ruined this for us, which by fact allows me to bear with this strange phase of our relationship. I am no one, my love. Look around you, there are so many beautiful women, yes women (unlike girls like myself). Women who dress and look so much more prettier than me, babe. Women who would retaliate to you, with the same passion as you do and I'm sure you'll be with your One soon.

Those times when we said we should be settled financially so we could convince our parents easily, I think that time has come where we concentrate on our careers more babe. There have been times where we laughed, cried, yelled at each other and just silenced, but Amatya, we've grown out to be such strong human beings out of it all. I have never changed so much in a relationship and have never had anyone reciprocated as much love to me, as you did. I love you so much that I have no choice but to let go and give up on us as there is nothing but negativity left. I'm just another ordinary girl who fell in love with a beautifully cherished and valued boy. 

Today we are living on our parents' money. When tomorrow we will stand on our own feet, independent, making our parents proud, being proud of ourselves, we won't forget our past, we'll perhaps look forward to a better tomorrow and things would only outmatch our past experiences. Amatya, you have been the perfect partner that anyone could ask for and I have taken you for granted, without realizing we would lose each other someday. You deserve better and you know it. Holding on to you for my selfish motive is not justified. Honey, you are depth and I am just the surface wind who is unstable, unlike you.They say love is about thinking about how beautiful you are while doing the simplest things, talking about everything with you, accepting differences, sacrificing for you, helping unload the weights off of your lover and strength. Love is loving you no matter how you change, learning to love what you love, appreciation, taking care of you when you're sick and lastly they said, when your lover's happiness comes first. But haven't we passed through all of it? We've tried and tried so hard but we can never work. We are from two different worlds, so apart that we can never converge but only run parallel to each other. I have loved you more than anyone and I will continue to love you the same irrespective of anything, Amatya.

One day when we are over each other's hatred, love, anger and sorrows, we will realize that we were just children, seeking, rather desperate for company, for a partner. We have a long way to go and many more obstacles to pass babe, this is just one of them and it will pass, eventually. We want to be someone in our lives and we should, in fact, we will, but for that we need to remove the unwanted distractions in our lives, right? I've cried so much while writing this, that my heart is soaked in the sorrow of letting you go. It's soaked because I am becoming someone who I don't want to and you are not yourself anymore babe. That's why it's better that we decided to part our ways and make our lives the way we want it to be. But, I'd only like to tell you something that I am very firm on, I wanted to marry someone Amatya and it was you, but today and tomorrow, it will never be anyone else taking that sacred place in my heart and my life.

Hope you understand and do well in life. I can't promise to do fine without you but I do promise never to become what you don't want me to be. Please take care of yourself. Give up on me and our memories. Have a happy journey ahead. I love you so much Amatya.

Bye

Yours.

I am NOT the Subaltern Anymore

I’m only 21 and I choose to be who I am, not because my past experiences have led me here or probably because I am outspoken with a dirty mouth. I’m only 21 and I regret being a woman only because I don’t feel safe in my own city, certainly not because I menstruate. So what if I’m a short girl and don’t look my age? So what if I’m not curvy or thin like the bimbos? So what if I’m not fair like those idiots who wish to have luminous skin? I’m probably not the conventional girl, but I’m still emotional and affected. Just because I don’t like crying, doesn’t mean I’m good at suppressing my emotions. I will not be the subaltern anymore because I live in a country where cows are worshipped on one hand and raped on the other, where men demand not to be generalized as pathologically sexual animals on one hand and still continue to scan every woman on the other. People still refer to this country as ‘Incredible India’, but what really is ‘incredible’? The fact that India is now known by the number of rapes occurring, why do people still choose to love this country? Where today, standing up for who you are is merely a reason for people to just laugh and mock at you. So, who are we really? Where 25 kilometers away from the city, women are pressurizing their breadth to keep the fire burning in order to feed their children in villages, yet on the other, the rich ones are enjoying endless barbeque buffets.

What have we come to, where Mr. Modi’s cabinet members speak of ‘Swacch Bharat’, while the same people pass ridiculously contaminating comments on women and other issues of the society. Where, feminism has just become a mere word that people debate on, and the lives of many women are just numbers today. I will not be the subaltern anymore because I will speak up for every woman today. What rituals are we following and what traditions are we talking about? Why are you fasting for your husband’s long life? Why are you wearing that so-called sexy dress? The whole concept of patriarchy is just a mere illusion, looking forward to transform men into stronger chauvinists and women into weaker utensils. Who is the man you are married to, really? Who are the people you are surrounded by? Aren’t they all vessels of patriarchy, crumbling you bit by bit into the pit of suppression and silence? What is this tradition of silence that one speaks of? Your boyfriend doesn’t hit you out of love. It is his mere fragile male ego that he refuses to break solely because his parents have pampered his penis.

I’m only 21 and I’m not ready for marriage. I have a career to make and I’m sure you do too. Serials like ‘Manmarziyan’ could probably talk about how a girl should be independent before her dependence is transferred from her father to her husband, but it’s senseless. Do you see the protagonist as yourself? Does she reflect you in any way? What is this really? Where men always become defensive when asked about why they stare at women, and then you also have women who pester you to behave in a certain manner. No, I’m not going to join my thighs and sit, I’m not going to wear a Sari and I’m certainly not going to close my mouth and laugh silently. I will laugh like a maniac and eat like the clumsiest person. Why is a woman stared at and commented on when she smokes or when she dresses up the way she wants to. Who said, yellow skirt and pink shoes don’t match? Where do these labels originate from? What are the zero size figures? Disintegrating and decaying your suppressed thoughts in time are the only things that lead a girl to become a patriarchal woman. Feminism is war, it’s fighting for a woman’s rights, be it legally or illegally, or for that matter, it doesn’t really concern the Indian Government anyway. If you are a celebrity and you kill someone, you’re destined to go back home and sleep on your comfortable bed. That’s precisely how our government functions.

I am not a subaltern anymore because I will stand for what is right and rebel against the wrong. I am intolerant to your bullshit but empathetic to the needful. I am disinterested in being labeled because only the cowards label people. I am not a subaltern only because I am a woman in a patriarchal society. No matter how many arguments support men victimized under the same crimes as women, it will never be enough. A woman undergoes much more than any man, her daily life. There’s no request for respect today, and the demands for regard have already been unnecessarily sky high. Women don’t wish to be treated as queens and neither sexual objects. They demand to be perceived as individuals, just like any man in this ridiculous country. So, calling out to all the women out there, we are not going to be subalterns. We are human beings and we demand to be treated humanely. 

Am I Supposed to be "In Love" to Love You?

It was a Monday Morning, two weeks past my aunt’s death and I had almost recovered. The usual, getting dressed, rushing to college, the same routine of not expecting anything happy and the usual cranked out family members. But just then, when everything is going as expected in my unexpected life, you appear, not like some angel that many fantasize about, but just plainly, a little message on my phone with a greater message in my heart. The stupid feeling of butterflies in your stomach, well, no, that wasn’t my experience. It was more like how I felt after I saw my aunt’s corpse just before her funeral. My heart was heavy, not with sorrow, but with a mind-boggling gratitude.

Was this how it was supposed to be? Yet another unexpected episode that would make me feel this way after three years, that spine-tingling event of just having those three words typed. It was that moment that not only awakened me to reality but also made me recognize the filthy pile of hair at the corner of my classroom, the undusted teacher’s table and also the revolting smell of sweat and my deodorant that blended and varied in the suppressed room that had no windows. Where I was stereotypically made to think of how such events were ‘supposed’ to be, it was the exact opposite. Where, a month ago, I was pruning myself from these stupid love songs and those idiots who were in love, but yesterday, I was in the same pit of love that everyone was talking about. No, it wasn’t as I assumed it to be, dark, blinding, illusionary, and also hurtful to an extent. It was the rather repugnant for me. It woke me from my little bubble of dissatisfaction and aloofness. I felt more ghostly and curious than ever. It’s as if I was hit by a bicycle coming in the wrong direction on a one-way road. That moment made me scrutinize every little thing around me, like Mr. Spiderman felt when that colorful spider stung him. But, wasn’t I ‘supposed’ to be happy? Wasn’t I supposed to be ‘filled’ with joy? This was rather ridiculous.

My phone rang, and I couldn’t help but answer it because I wanted to talk to him. I was aghast, my hands went cold and sweaty, and my mind went muffled. We spoke for an hour, forgetting every word we spoke in the past second, having an unnecessarily pointless conversation. It wasn’t long until we spoke our minds out. Not directly of course, but beating around the bush until the money on his phone disappeared and eventually getting disconnected. For a while, I had butterflies for him in my sewed heart but I never let it show on my emotionless face. I didn’t just love him, but that suspenseful feeling was greater.

My primary mission was to skim him from the misconceptions that other human beings had about him. “People are shallow because they evaluate others merely on their surfaced appearance”, I said. But, that moment did it all for me. Those three words, said it all for me that didn’t make my life uncomplicated, but made it rather troublesome. It was then that I woke up to your absence. I wasn’t oppressed by those silly emotions that always told me you were never going to hold my hand, but I was exhausted with the thoughts that struck me in my heart saying, “How is this going to work?” however, why wouldn’t I date a guy who writes poems, who wants to be a writer too, who is a partial feminist as well, and moreover, who’s the most supportive when it comes to me. The ultimate question still remained, why wouldn’t I? 20 years of my life has made me emotionless, inexpressive and insensitive to almost everything that surrounds me, but eventually, Homo sapiens are designed to sense, reason and think about their respective property.

Yes, those three words are all that took us from one corner of our restricted mind to the other, without hesitation, without logic and moreover, without muting ourselves. Love sure does hurt only if you want it to hurt, and love does conquer only if you want it to conquer. So, love maybe a bitch to you, only probably because you’re a bitch to it. But what is love really? It’s just an emotion expressed in a million of ways possible by a million animate objects in the universe. For me, “Love is just something that is cherished between two individuals”. Those three words can be the strongest, yet also the weakest. But, who deduces or arbitrates it? It’s no one else but you and me.

Dear lover, the love that we share is much different from just appreciation, respect, admiration, passion and attachment, it’s far more than everything put together. It’s not blinded or deafening, it’s neither inarticulate nor crass. It’s rather awakening and prorogating. It’s silly of me to ask you not to depart because our destinies have always unscripted our lives and life has been however, unanticipated. So, dear lover, I yearn for your presence in my life until I have wrinkles on my face and crooked feet, but I desire to be unallied and unfamiliar with the process of mending my torn heart again. 

Don't Commit Suicide. You're Worth Much More

New family formation? Heart break? Emotional Neglect by your peers? Parents disowned you in anger? Divorce? Depression? What is it? Is your reason of suicide, one of these silly reasons? These are some of the most famous and most frequent or common causes due to which adolescents, children or adults suicide. Several people would have probably told you about how immature this decision would be, but trust me, they’re right. Don’t commit suicide. Why would you want to end your life without knowing what awesome stuff God has in store for you, in the future? Don’t commit suicide, because every cloud has a silver lining and there’s always light at the end of the tunnel. Not only because the fruit of being patient is always sweet, but also because you need both the sun rays and rain to make a rainbow. So, stop cribbing about your present, because you don’t have monsoon for the whole year, there’s always spring, summer and autumn right? You’re worth more than that douche who broke your little heart. You’re worth much more than situational depression.

Suicide is for cowards, it’s for people who are unable to face the future, but you are stronger than that. Every other family gets divorced and the parent gets re-married, but don’t let that get to you because you are an individual. Don’t run away from your future, just because your present is a bitch. Look in the eye of your troubled situation and smile. That’s it. That’s all you have to do. Smile. It will calm you down and help you think wisely, because suicide isn't cool or wise. Why do you obey something like ‘Need for Speed’, when your life is at risk? Just to impress some chick who probably loves her dog more than you? Trust me, racing till you die is more hypocritical than hanging yourself.

Don’t commit suicide; you’re worth much more because God didn't want to waste time on someone who’ll give up for some stupid reason. So what if your dad is getting re-married, you don’t necessarily have to end up like him. You can be whatever you like and be happy. ‘Ignorance is Bliss’, and that’s exactly what you should do when you’re in a situation that urges you to have suicidal thoughts. Don’t forget to think about people like Nelson Mandela, Helen Keller, Aun San Suu Kyi, Sudha Chandran, Nick Vujicic, and several others. They’re heroes and they never gave up. Or, if you don’t want to follow these guys, you can probably just think of the people who live in slums or the less privileged people near your house. If they’re not going to give up then why are you? So, Don’t Commit Suicide, You’re Worth Much More.

Let's Raise Our Kid to Make Earth a Better Place

Everyone talks about making Earth a better place for our kids. But why don’t you think otherwise? It’s more like fighting against Rape, but still allowing your boy to misbehave with other girls. Media is like our family member today. Television, Mobile Phones, Internet, Tablets, etc. There’s so much rubbish in the world and we are aware of it, just by a click of a button. But, it’s funny. Instead of putting ‘parental control’ for your child on the internet, why don’t you teach him some real manners? Changing everything else but you child is a way of giving up on him. So what if you’re working your butt off every day at work to earn money for your child? So what if you’re giving him whatever he asks for just because you love him? So what if you probably spy on wherever he goes? Does this really mean you know what’s in his little head?

Spend time with your kid. Talk to him. Get to know who he really is. I know a lot of people say the same, but you know what, if you’re not going to make an effort, you’re a big failure at being a parent, no matter how filthy rich you are. How do you know he’s not doing drugs with his peers after school? How do you know he’s not watching pornography when he’s home alone while you’re busy working in office with the misconception that you’re kid is studying? Did you know, the first time a kid has the urge to experience sex with the opposite gender is when he’s nine. So, go be nice to your kid. Don’t ask him ‘How was school?’, rather, ask him ‘What was fun about today?’ And you thought parenting gets easier as your child grows up.

How many times have you hugged your child? Have you dropped him to school? If you’re going to give too much space to your child, he’s going to be independent real soon with bad company. You know, it’s funny when a million parents in this country, have two year olds or even younger who know how to use a phone, or who can use other electronic gadgets. It’s PATHETIC. One reason why I hate kids though. They talk more than usual in front of adults, and all parents can do is just laugh at them? What, are you dumb too? Can you not see the line between telling your kid to shut up and disrespecting other people? If you’re praying for your kid, and telling a million other friends to pray for him too, do you think he knows what’s going on? Is he praying for himself too? Why does every child pretend like he’s his parents’ age, so he can talk whatever rubbish he wants to? And what’s even worse is that parents don’t even yell at their kids, they only tell them once. Are you serious? They’re your kids, not some stupid robots who will listen to you when been told once.

Anyway, since, you’re the parent and you know what’s right for your child, hopefully, then if you’re not going to treat him right and raise him right, unfortunately, you’ll just have to see the mean world crush him till his ego is out when he gets out of his cozy little house. So, it’s never too late. Raise your kids the way you want to see the world, not changing everything around your child and continuing to spoiling your brat. Teach him the difference between disrespecting and complimenting is. Let’s hope he isn't a rapist when he grows up.

Stop Complaining and Start Acting Elders

This year, the General Elections in India were the biggest they said. Is it just because every random organization was advertising on television or putting up billboards on the streets, urging, rather, forcing everyone to vote? Yet, there were several elders who didn't vote though. But why was it just this year suddenly? Why didn't everyone want to vote five years ago? Just as everything has its pros and cons, so does the Indian Election 2014. But that's not what I have a problem with. My problem is with the mentality of the people, not just our elders or the earlier generation but also the youth today. But, it doesn't just stop at the youth. The oldies are more responsible than us. They decide what we wear, where we go, how we act, who we meet, etc. etc. But, how does it really matter to us? Well, maybe it does somewhere.

Everywhere you go, there are people just barking into your face saying, 'The Youth are the future'. We definitely are the future, you know, being western, being creative, thinking out the the so-called stereo-typically creative box, then again, we're still blamed right? So, how does it really affect us, youth? On one hand, at home, today's youth are treated like powerless hangers between adulthood and childhood; and on the other they are expected to change the nation for the better. But don't you think it’s our elders who blame us for what happens today? The old people who sit at home due to their physical inabilities only tend to crib about the mentality of the youth, not realizing that they're still alive and are counted as the same citizens in the country that we are. This doesn't just stop at voting, but the youth are blamed for almost every wrong thing happening in the country, apart from the politicians of course. The movies today, where women are seen dancing in a bikini, is also today's youth's fault according to our elders. Well, if youngsters don't emerge into self-centered human beings, our elders will ruin our lives making us take care of them. I think, it’s high time that our elders understand their shared responsibility for the country's governance, be it worse or better. But if they can't respond to their responsibilities as a citizen of India, then they have no right to crib. So, if a 97 year old woman can get out of her death bed, lifted by people to VOTE, so can you guys who are still capable of doing so much more than her. The next time you hear someone older than you blame the youth about the reason for the country going to the dogs, stand up, stop them, and ask those idiots, what have they done? 

Is Romanticism still relevant now?

Romanticism has very little to do with things popularity thought of as ‘romantic’, although love may occasionally be the subject of Romantic Art. Rather, it is an international artistic and philosophical movement that redefined the fundamental ways of which people in Western Cultures thought about themselves and about their world. The Romanticism period is from 18^th to 19^th century. It was known as the pre-dominant literary mode of the first third of the 19^th century. The age also emerged as a reaction against “The Age of Enlightenment,” which emphasized on reason and logic. The Romantic Movement is said to have emerged in Germany, although the main source of inspiration came from the events and ideologies of the French Revolution. Though Romantic elements were present in various forms of art and literature back then, it was the publication of “lyrical ballads ”by William Wordsworth and Samuel Taylor Coleridge in 1798. This perhaps introduced and bought about the Romantic Period.

There are several characteristics of Romanticism as literature has been the first branch of Art to be influenced by the waves of Romanticism, although the concepts remain the same in all art forms – Love of Nature. The Romantics greatly emphasized the importance of nature and feelings of awe, apprehensions and horror felt by man on approaching the sublimates of it. This was mainly because of the industrial revolution, which had shifted life from the peaceful serene countryside towards the chaotic cities transforming man’s natural order. Nature was not only appreciated for its visual beauty, but also revered for its ability to help the urban man find his true identity.

Emotions v/s Rationality

Unlike the age of enlightenment, which focused on rationality and intellect, romanticism placed human emotions, feelings, instincts and intuition above everything else. While the poets in the era of rationality stuck to the prevalent rules and regulations while selecting the subject and writing about it, the romantic writers trusted their emotions and feelings to create poetry. This belief can be confirmed from the definition of poetry by William Wordsworth, where he says that, “ poetry is the spontaneous overflow of powerful feelings.” The emphasis of emotions also spread to the music created in that period and can be observed in the compositions made by musicians like Webes, Beethoven etc.  Beethoven played an important role too.

Artist, the creator

As the romantic period emphasized on human emotions, the position of the artist was seen as a person who imitated the external world through his art. However, this definition was uncertain in the Romantic Era and the poet or the painter was seen as the creator of something which reflected his individuality and emotions. The Romantic perception of the artist has been enclosed by Casper David Friedrich who remarked that, “the artist’s feelings is his law.” It was also the first time that the poem written in the first person was being accepted, as the poetic persona became one of the voices of the poet.

Nationalism

The Romantics borrowed heavily from the folklore and the popular local art. During the earlier eras, literature and art were considered to belong to the high class educated and lower classes were not considered to fit to enjoy them. However, romantic artists took no shame from being influenced by the folklore that had been created by the masses or the common people, and not by the literary works that were popular only among the higher classes of the society. Apart from poetry, adopting folk tunes and ballad was one of the very important characteristics of romantic music.

Exoticism

Along with nationalism, the romantics developed the love of the exotic. Hence, far off and mysterious locations were depicted in many of the artistic works from that period. Though, this was not exactly opposite the romantic ideal Nationalism, separate factions were never formed. Exoticism is also one of the most prominent characteristics in art, along with sentimentality and spirituality. Supernatural

Another characteristic of this movement is the belief in supernatural powers. The romantics were interested in the supernatural and included it in their works. The fascination for the mysterious and the unreal also led to development of Gothic Romance, which became popular during this period. Supernatural elements can be seen in Kubakhan by Coleridge, ‘The River of the Ancient Marcius’ by Keats.

As no romantic followed any strict rules and regulations, it is perhaps difficult to describe the characteristics of the movement accurately. But, some of these characteristics are basically reflected in the works of that period. Though many writers and critics have called this movement ‘irrational’, it cannot be denied that it was an honest attempt to portray the world, especially the interfaces of the human nature, in a paradigm shifting way.  

Bangalore Women- Safe??

BANGALORE WOMEN- SAFE??

Are Bangalore women really safe or is this all just to show off? On January 4^th, Times of India published the measures that R. Ashok was about to take on the safety of women. But now as a fact, women still wonder, why talk so much and do nothing about it. When R. Ashok bought about the changes in the women’s safety, in his speech, he sure did mention about the GPS. He said that the GPS will be installed and made compulsory in all cabs, ensuring security for women. “If GPS is not installed in cabs, we will take action against the companies concerned. They will have to ensure that GPS system is installed in the vehicles that are hired for transportation. We will see that GPS is installed within a month by them.” He said.

Adding on to the above, he even stated that college, school and employed women could contact the helpline round the clock if they’d face any problem. He also mentioned the misuse of women’s photographs on various social networks. But having said all this, does it really help ensure safety of women? About CCTV’s he said, more of them must be installed at public places in Bangalore. He adds on it saying that mapping of isolated places in the state has already been started.

Coming back to the same question, as to how will all these help ensure women safety, it’s all still a blur. We know that they weren’t just playing around with the public but actually have taken certain actions on criminals and rapists. But now the question arises, for how long will they be able to maintain it? As there comes a saying, “When a rule is made, there’s always someone who can break it.” Therefore, we now receive chain messages saying that rapists are using eggs and small baby seats on the road, to trick women, so they can rape them, when they stop to check.

Where is the government taking our country, ultimately? They raise prices, in order to develop a for women’s and no device the country, but still stuck with commenting and disrespecting their women. It’s ridiculous !! Having a helpline (1091) for women’s help but not being able to help any, when being called. If the parliament is trying to make us aware, by indirectly forcing all the women to sit at home, then something serious has to be done before things get worse.

In conclusion, I would just say that, if things like this continue and if women are sexually harassed and men (with power / without power) just move on, as a joke, then I bet every individual will start shifting from India and go elsewhere on this planet.

Rape requires Punishment

The word “rape” itself originates from the Lain verb, “rapere” meaning “to seize or take by force”. The word originally had no sexual connotation, but now it’s become a criminal and sexual offense to individuals. Legally speaking, the word “rape” means “a criminal offence” denied in most states of forcible sexual relations with a person against their will.

But why rape? Why women? And moreover, why no capital punishment for it? Recently, after coming across the news of the Delhi Gang rape case, not just me, but more than half the country was in complete SHOCK! The others probably composed of male chauvinists, politicians, rapists themselves. When certain countries like the Saudi Arabia, Dubai, America, etc. can have rapists stoned to death, as part of their law, or undergo castration, then why doesn’t India have anything to do about it?

On the other hand, the male politicians are encouraging the rapists by blaming the women and girls. And blaming for what? Wearing Jeans and Skirts? What about girls as young as 3 years or women as old as 80? How could they possibly provoke men to rape them? But I believe that one day; men will fall short of excuses. The other day, I was watching India TV and they were viewing their sting operation as to how men shamelessly and openly eves-tease women in public.

Pranab Mukherjee, our unfortunate President had announced that Nirbhaya’s death will not go wasted, but the very next day his son, Abhijit Mukherjee had announced a disgusting comment on women. On the other hand, Monmohan Singh, being a father of 3 girls, took a week to prepare his speech and surprisingly had nothing extraordinary.

However, by changing the law, I don’t think things will change. Its rather difficult, but to change the mind-set of every individual in this country. The parliament is filled with old people, besides. And they say, “Youth is the future of our county”?? If the politicians want women not to wear jeans and skirts in the 21^st century, they have got to be victims of mental instability.

How must we change the mind-set of Indians? Silent rallies, Candle Marches, bombing the entire parliament, giving a Bharat bandh, or just ignoring everything that has happened and moving on? Though India is going through such a trauma, people have still been partying, people still continue to ignore everything and keep walking forward. One of the rape cases, which I had come across in the news was that of a woman, who stopped a child marriage in her village, was raped by 6 man, and hasn’t had one hearing in court for the past 17 years. What is the use of having fast track courts, or having a helpline for women? If they don’t put all the ideas in use, India’s development will go down the drain, eventually. Changing the mind-set is harder than any thought, when even the Indian Government doesn’t help. For my security, I personally carry “Pepper Spray”.

In conclusion, I’d say, wear what you want to wear, as long as it covers your body. Be confident ladies, because if you aren’t then don’t get out of your house. So be confident and just be you, because it’s a pity that parents’ have forgotten to teach their sons some manners. So, be proud to be a woman!

Single Parenting

More than 60% of the parents today are Single parents. Divorce may not be the only option for these single parents, but issues like Adultery, Death, etc. Most of the times when a child is raised by a single parent, he/she is bought up in a completely different way. Sometimes when she is in trouble, the only person she can confront is her only parent. In most cases, the single parents consist of the mothers. It’s pretty rare when you find fathers as Single parents.

Basically Single parenting isn’t an easy task at all. A lot of sacrifice, dedication, commitment and extra love go into this process of raising a child. Sometimes when a parent is raising her child all by herself, she’s probably been alone ever since her pregnancy or maybe after the child is born. A few cases in which a mother would have to raise a child all by herself ever since her pregnancy, she either has her parents or a maybe a friend. This in turn helps her in a healthy pregnancy if it’s her first baby. At times, they are just left all alone, with no support from any family member, so what do such women do?

When fathers are left alone with their children, it’s rather more difficult for him to look after them because usually in India, a woman washes clothes, changes diapers and cleans vessels, not a man. In a way, I’d say it’s a good thing for the man, since he’d finally get to know how it feels like, being in the shoes of the woman. As I mentioned, everything has pros and cons, and so does this. There are several advantages of Single Parenting, in which one is where the child gets closer to the parent. The parent-child relationship grows as the child grows and matures faster. There’s definitely more possessiveness as there’s only one parent, but there’s more love.

The disadvantages of having a single parent, or the process of single parenting is that, you just have one parent, and no matter how hard the parent tries to fill that emptiness in the child, it will always be incomplete. Another disadvantage is that the child only has one parent to look up to; and there’s only one source of income. However, as the child grows, there is a need to seek for more love, due to which the child gets into relationships and looks for love in other people, mainly in people of the opposite sex. Yes, it is surely difficult for both, the parent and the child to go through, but as they say “Every cloud has a silver lining”.

No matter how situations are, we humans, still tend to adapt in the best way we can, sometimes with negative consequences and sometimes in positive. So I’d like to conclude by saying that, however bad situations get, there’s always someone above who looks after us, when we feel lonely. And children of single parents shouldn’t be depressed, but be proud of what and who they are, because it isn’t their fault that they’re born of their families.

Why don’t Long Distance Relationships work?

Today, relationships have become more important than anything else in our lives. Be it family, money, academics in some case or maybe even time. People don’t care about time or money now, because as they say, “The poor get poorer and the rich get richer”. Similarly relationships at times become situations like changing clothes every day. A few change girlfriends/boyfriends like they change clothes daily. According to me, that is one of the most heartless things to do. Such people either have money in their pockets or are tired of being in relationships.

However, long distance relationships, back in the 1700s and so on and so forth, did exist, but since there wasn’t technology, there were letters and pigeons, owls, doves as messengers. And not just the bird messengers but also more romance. I’m talking about healthy romance, where the man would sing songs for the woman, and the woman would woo her man with her beauty. Where, he would come at her window and throw stones to call her, and where she would decorate herself with flowers on her head in order to impress him. Back then, all women played hard to get.

Whereas, in the 21^st century there are no letters, birds, songs, nor flowers. Now is the time where technology speaks. Skype, Whatsapp, Viber, E-mail, SMS, MMS, so on and so forth. Life has gotten so easier now that even love happens through the internet. You have a tiny data card, and you can have the entire world into your hands. You can spy on your lover, sitting on the other side of the world, or you can have feelings for someone you've never seen.

Facebook, Twitter, Gmail, Yahoo, Hotmail, etc. are now used more for getting to know new single people. Even though, long distance relationships isn't bad, but why find someone who’s on the other side of the country/world when the population is 7 billion. For me, I am in a long distance relationship too, so I know what the pros and cons are. One of the most important advantages is that you have your space. No matter what happens, you have your amount of freedom and you still have a choice whether to be loyal or not. One of the major disadvantages is that you can’t meet each other everyday or whenever you want. You might have to plan a visit, in order to meet. Another disadvantage is that when you’re probably low and depressed and want your lover to hug you and be with you physically, at the moment. He/she might not necessarily be able to fulfill that need.

In conclusion, I’d like to say that, everything has pros and cons and so does a long distance relationship. It’s always up to the people how they want to make it work. If they know that things won’t work out, or aren’t sure one tiny bit, then I’d suggest y’all not to fall into this. If you really want to work it out, then you should go for it, and not wait until it’s too late. 

Influence of Cartoons

A major portion of television images directed specifically at children is in the form of animated cartoons. Saturday morning blocks of network programming are dedicated to cartoons. The Disney organization, having grown from the creation of 1930s animated movie shorts and features into a giant multimedia consortium, now has its own cable channel devoted to "family entertainment" relying upon 50% cartoon programming from its sixty year film library – in addition to supplying blocks of programming in non-cable "syndication" to independent stations. 

It can be easily remarked, then, that cartoons fill a major portion of a child's time when watching children's and family television programming. The question must be asked, "What type of influence do cartoons have upon children? That is negative or positive?" The answer is coloured in shades of grey.

However, now on Disney, All cartoons are substituted by Ninja Hattori, and Doremon; whereas on Cartoon Network or Pogo, there’s always Chota Bheem. I am not saying Chota Bheem isn’t good for children, but as they say “Anything excess is poison”. Cartoons like Tom and Jerry, Bugs Bunny, etc. aren’t even premiered anymore. It’s a pity. This in turn changes the entire mentality of the child according to the respective cartoons he/she watches.